Honey, There is No Comparison

Today, I am a lot more confident than I used to be. If I stood next to a Victoria Secret model right now, I wouldn’t feel inferior, not because I am as beautiful, but because I value myself. However, growing up I had a severe inferiority complex. I would envy other people so much that it became paralyzing! I failed at any attempt to better myself, because I had a negative motivation behind it- to be better than someone else. It felt like a never ending battle.

For example, I worked hours and hours on a landscape of trees for my art class and I absolutely loved it! It was my best work up to that point and I was so proud until I saw my fellow classmates work. She drew a beautiful landscape of roses! It was so impressive that the classroom got really quiet and just stared at it for a while. My artwork no longer seemed as impressive and the “hater-ation” started settling in. I tried to find something wrong with her artwork and there was nothing significant I could find. Then I tried to find something wrong with her… and I found nothing. I just needed to feel better than her and I never did. Instead, I felt worse about myself and I wished I had her talent. I started to resent going to the class knowing that all of my hard work would be overlooked. I spent many days comparing myself negatively to her. I learned a critical lesson from this experience and vowed to never be a “hater” again.

Today, I know that I have a lot to offer the world and I focus on that. Whenever my mind wants to tell me I am not as great as so-and-so, I say “Honey, there is no comparison”. Truth be told, THERE IS NO COMPARISON, because we are all unique individuals with our own set of experiences , gifts, flaws, ideas etc. Its like comparing apples to oranges. Here are a few more reasons to gets some eye drops for your “little green-eyed monster”

Why you should avoid envy/jealousy at all cost

You Get Stupider

New research suggests the resulting jealousy can actually distract a person so much they miss what’s right in front of their eyes {1}. In the study, women were tested to spot out images on a screen. The women did fine until they learned that their boyfriends/husbands where tasked to rate the attractiveness of other females. As a result, the women felt jealous and did poorly at spotting certain images….

So in other words, envy makes you stupid. How can we expect to spot out new opportunities for growth in our personal lives or even in our careers if we are stuck in a jealous rage?

Low Confidence

Envy is the art of counting the other fellow’s blessings instead of your own. ~Harold Coffin

There is a strong correlation between low self-esteem and envy. But it doesn’t take a a rocket scientist to know that. When you get jealous, how awful do YOU feel? Instead of looking at your positive qualities you are focusing on all of your perceived flaws. You forget how far you have come and only see how much further you have to go. Its depressing!

Slows You Down

Envy is the most stupid of vices, for there is no single advantage to be gained from it. ~Honore de Balzac

Envy is paralyzing. You are an ambitious group of people (otherwise you wouldn’t be reading this) so, it is a complete waste of your time to allow envy into your hearts. Spending so much time downing yourself takes away all the time needed to achieve greatness. It is time to move on! Besides, this is a lot of pain put into hating/ being jealous of/envying someone that probably doesn’t even know you exist.

You Will Become Mediocre at Best

He who trims himself to suit everyone will soon whittle himself away. ~Raymond Hull

If you envy someone for reaching a certain level of success in any area, you limit how far you can actually go. When someone “breaks a record” it is not so that we reach their record, but so we can surpass it once more. However, when you spend too much time looking at their achievement with envy it becomes your monument, instead of your milestone.

Conclusion

Envy has a higher cost than you think. When used in the wrong way, it doesn’t help you get any smarter; it doesn’t help you get stronger and it doesn’t help you to succeed.

When I spent all that time envying that girl, it was only hurting me. She stayed awesome at her work and continued to get better and better, while I stayed stagnant wishing she’d crash and burn. It was only when I decided to stop “hating” that I started to grow once more.

Action Steps

I am so excited to announce that I have a follow- up post on this which identifies steps you can take to stop being so envious.

For now, think on this:

Who do you envy in your life?

Why do you envy this person?

What has this envy cost you?

12 Responses to "Honey, There is No Comparison"

haki says:

November 19, 2012 at 3:01 pm

I think as women we are especially are prone to do this. This is what tends to make us witchy to each other.
This is very interesting, and btw you’re an amazing writer!

Reply
1. KarenYvonne says:
  
  November 19, 2012 at 8:41 pm
  
  I agree.. thanks so much Haki!!!
  
  Reply
Will says:

November 19, 2012 at 9:31 pm

I notice that whenever someone hates or resents another person without a real reason, it’s usually because the person is somehow making them feel insignificant. It seems as if this happens the most when we get stuck with the belief that our self worth is measured by how we fare in comparison to others, even though this is not the case at all. Like you said, “Its like comparing apples to oranges.”

I remember a time when I used to hold grudges against people who could do things that took me years to learn, in a matter of months. I no longer hold these kinds of grudges and as a result, I’ve been able to focus the energy on how to develop myself and become a better person. All I had to do was learn to “bless” those that have what I want, instead of resenting.

Thanks for sharing this lovely post.
Will recently posted..4 Effective Ways to Make Your Own Circumstance

Reply
1. KarenYvonne says:
  
  November 20, 2012 at 8:25 pm
  
  Will,
  
  I love that point ” It seems as if this happens the most when we get stuck with the belief that our self worth is measured by how we fare in comparison to others, even though this is not the case at all.”
  
  Our worth comes from the way we value ourselves so, we create our own value ( we can also diminish our own value).Therefore,trying to weigh our worth by comparing ourselves to others is selling ourselves short.
  
  That is excellent advice! Show your rival some love! And it is definitely going in the action steps for the follow up post of Monday (thanks).
  
  Reply
Justin says:

November 21, 2012 at 10:18 pm

Hi Karen,
Thanks for being so honest and transparent in your post. Many of us go through a period of time where we feel like we just don’t measure up. I think after a while of trying so hard to be better than someone else we soon realize we are only fooling ourselves.

Eventually, as all wise people learn, it is much better to focus on how far we have grown and to learn to honor and value ourselves for who we are.
Justin recently posted..The Personal Growth Handbook – Personal Development 101

Reply
1. KarenYvonne says:
  
  November 27, 2012 at 8:42 pm
  
  Thanks for your kind words Justin!
  
  Reply
air jordan 5 sale says:

November 23, 2012 at 7:56 am

Thanks-a-mundo for the blog.Really looking forward to read more. Want more.

Reply
regranulat says:

November 24, 2012 at 4:00 am

Your home is valueble for me. Thanks!…

Reply
jordan 7 for sale says:

November 24, 2012 at 7:34 am

Thanks a lot for the article post.Much thanks again. Really Cool.

Reply
Honey, There is No Comparison Pt. 2 says:

November 26, 2012 at 10:43 am

[...] because you are spending too much time ‘hating” on someone else! In my last post, Honey There is No Comparison Pt. 1, I talked about the cost of envying someone else. My major points [...]

Reply
Deborah E says:

January 16, 2013 at 1:25 am

Brilliant – “Envy has a higher cost than you think.” Oh, it does! Why spend time that could be beneficial to oneself, health, fun, etc., on envy?
Deborah E recently posted..The Best In Life

Reply
1. KarenYvonne says:
  
  January 17, 2013 at 10:16 pm
  
  thanks! and I couldn’t agree more!
  
  Reply

Honey, There is No Comparison

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

Follow KarenYvonne.net

November 2012
M	T	W	T	F	S	S
				Dec »
			1	2	3	4
5	6	7	8	9	10	11
12	13	14	15	16	17	18
19	20	21	22	23	24	25
26	27	28	29	30