Today (I wrote this yesterday) has been a world wind of emotions. Maybe it’s just life. I have been on my “personal development” journey for a good 3 years now. I have grown so much and yet have so much growing to do. I was feeling down earlier today so I reflected on these three years of joys, breakdowns, growth and stagnation.
3 years ago, in Atlanta, I was at my all time low. It probably has everything to do with being a mother before I was even remotely prepared for it. I had never been so depressed in my life, but deep down I knew that I had to change not just for myself, but for my daughter. She became the catalyst for my positive changes. I sought out inspiration and I quickly found it.
While at work I stumbled across inspiring quotes on quotegarden.com. I was so inspired by the little nuggets of inspiration they brought. I was started to open my heart up again and believed that my dreams can come true. After a while of reading quotes I hungered more! That was when I discovered blogging for the first time. I read an article on stevepavlina.com and felt inspired by him. He had pretty bad beginnings and still managed to be a huge success. I became obsessed!!! This is also when I realized that I wanted to blog too!
Throughout this time, I hadn’t taken any positive actions yet, but my thoughts were changing. I doubted myself and my potential. I let the negativity around me influence the way I felt about
myself. I sought help from people I looked up to and learned that they were in fact, sharing all of my misfortunes with anyone who had ears. It was hard to deal with. I would still slip right back into depression and self-hate, but I came out of it.
Blogs were a wonderful source of motivation but I still needed more! That when I read my first inspirational book “Think and Grow Rich“ by Napoleon Hill, probably the greatest inspirational book of all time. I realized after reading that book just how powerful my thoughts were and how I could use it to build a better life for myself.
My life still really sucked at the time though. I was still in Atlanta with my daughter and had to walk a mile to the bus to get to my babysitter. Then I had to take the bus to get to work. I decided that regardless of my situation I was a queen! That mile walk to bus, became my exercise instead of my awful commute to my crappy job (telemarketer). I still made mistakes along the way and felt incredibly depressed at times but I always bounced back. With each failure I bounced back faster than the one before.
Year two in my journey comes around and because I couldn’t afford to live on my own, I moved to Texas with my sister.
I lived with my parents (ugh).
This was my only reasonable option. I felt like a child all over again and I hated it. I didn’t like feeling so powerless so I took my personal development journey more seriously. I began reading more books and listening to audio books. I looked to find a job and decided that “if its meant to be, it’s up to me”. I devised a plan to save up money so I could live on my own, start up my own blog and be the mother my daughter deserves.
It was hard! I had never been so frugal in my life! There were days when I wanted to give up on myself. No one really seemed to believe in me either. Through out my efforts, I would constantly hear about my mistakes. I guess I can’t completely blame them, my track record wasn’t a great indicator of my potential. This moment was critical though, I finally stop relying on other people for encouragement and became my own source of motivation. Another year and a half goes by and I finally had enough money saved! I have been living on my own for a short while now. Plus, I have started my own blog (yay!).
This journey has been brought me many joys and many hurts. While, I’ve grown so much I have so much more growing to do. Today (yesterday 12/9/12) I felt so depressed, like the world was about to end (maybe on 12/21/2012… just kidding). I only saw all of the things that are going wrong with my life. For example, I lack the drive to CLEAN MY HOUSE. It’s always the small stuff that gets me so emotional.
I think I struggle is because sometimes I feel that successful people don’t ever feel like this. They rarely ever talk about feeling like this, so maybe it’s because they have something I don’t. 3 years of all this work and I still get feel this way? Maybe I just don’t have what it takes. Successful people make it look so easy… As I wrote this, my inner voice said…
And she is right. We all have are ups and our downs. We all fall and we all have the strength to get back up. I refuse to let a moment of weakness be transformed into a lifetime…. Thanks for listening…
Do you ever feel this way?
What do you do to bounce back?
Please share your story below….